"Low pay is directly related to low productivity." Discuss.

"This is a fairly solid essay with some very good points. However, there are a number of problems that unfortunately let the side down. First of all, the graphs do not necessarily match up with your explanations of them. The explanations seem to have been written in a rush and there are numerous small errors with them. These need fixing. Secondly, your arguments are at their weakest when you cite real life examples. This is largely because you tend to oversimplify cases (see your surgeon vs GP example) or make unsubstantiated claims. I fully realise this is only an A-level essay and you won't be referencing yet, but try to think of some less controversial examples. Thirdly, the paragraph about sunrise industries seemed to wander a little. It could be cut down, as sunrise and sunset industries are tangential to the topic at hand. Finally, the entire essay needs more structure. You need to set out what the essay is going to say, say it, then conclude by saying what you've said. As it stands it feels more like a number of discrete paragraphs bunged together rather than a coherent narrative - most obvious at the tail end of the essay. TSR Username: chidona"